Monday, March 5, 2012
I want to reclaim this time on my deathbed
I think some wise-acre pioneer guy got sick of having the little woman around the house nagging him to do stuff, so he created wedding/baby showers just to get her out of his hair periodically. This made her think she was having fun AND he got some free time to himself to do whatever guys do when they are home alone.
I think I've got something here with this theory--they seem awfully happy to send us off to these things, don't you think? If you are wondering, just look at his face while you open that invitation to the next wedding/baby shower you get invited to. Go on. Watch his face light up as he says all fake-like "Ohhhh, I know how much you hate those" --and all the while he is secretly planning his free day. I'm telling you, it's a conspiracy. A man conspiracy. They are all secretly high-fiving themselves and the pioneer guy who came up with this "shower" idea.
I'm just gonna go on record in stating that we women DO NOT find these events fun--in any way, shape or form. We do not enjoy watching brides unwrap toasters and blenders or even sheets. We get tired of oohing and ahhing over onesies and pacifiers. We don't like unspiked punch and we certainly don't like getting all dressed up on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon to sit around playing bad shower games on the day that just happens to be the loveliest of Spring days. It is not fun. It is a time suck. But we do it for all the gals before us that have sat in on our showers. And we grumble all the way.
I think we gals ought to fight back and make these events a couples event. Chuck says that this is commonplace for the Hispanic community. Right on, gals! At least some of us have woken up. Now, we just have to band together and make the guys in our lives suffer with us--I'm guessing that cocktails will suddenly be commonplace at these things. Uh huh.
Years ago, when our friends and family were all getting married about the same time, my sister-in-law and I would make a casual stop at the bar on our way back from the restroom at these showers. While all the other gals were talking casserole dishes, Kathy and I were downing Seven-Sevens. And I'm telling you, it made the whole thing a whole lot more fun. We were like shower rebels, giggling and making some fun where there wasn't any.
Finally, some grumpy old aunt busted us, called us "alcoholics" and then it wasn't so much fun anymore. So, we found other ways to make things more exciting--like wrapping up gifts like edible panties and such for the bride-to-be. That aunt never really liked me anyway--she said I was a troublemaker. On the contrary, I was a FUNmaker. Whatever.
I ran into Kathy at a shower yesterday. Yeah, we laughed about our antics from years ago, but neither of us stopped at the bar at the venue we were at, but I did notice the bartender was working--just in case. We all giggled on how much we hated these things, but we all sat and smiled, and well.....suffered together.
It's our destiny, these things--to sit for hours eating chicken salad and sipping punch while we make actual conversation about diaper genies and "Goodnight Moon". It's official, it's great to be a woman.