And it never goes away--no matter how old they get.
It's hard to be the mom, I have to keep that you-can-do-it smile on my face, all the while they are doubting themselves--and sometimes you are secretly doubting inside as well. You make up it's-gonna-be-okay encouraging words and stories, even though you want to scream with them. And there have been a few kids that I have wanted to punch--just for the hurt that they have created....in us all.
The worst part? It's the smiling when it is all over and whatever problem is long forgotten. I stand there, exhausted, angry, disappointed, sad, etc. and your kid walks away--moving onto the next adventure, completely letting go of whatever just happened.
I had one of those moments this weekend. I dealt with nerves, anxiety, and frustration and then had to stop asking questions when I got "the look". When the dust settled and I called to check in--I was met with a "It's fine, Mom." Okay. Commence turning off emotions.
sigh. If only it was that easy.
41 comments:
Being a mother truly is the hardest job in the world isn't it? You are so right that there is a direct connection from your heart to theirs. When they feel pain we feel that pain too but they seem to get over it faster than we do. And our children don't come with instruction manuals. Sigh...but it's worth every heartache isn't it?
Excellent post Lin!
xo Catherine
Awwww, great post Lin...I'm fighting this battle right now when my son wants to try out for the school soccer team and he's just not a big physical kid and I doubt he will make it but I have to encourage him to do his best, blah, blah, blah...he just is trying so hard to make a school team and it didn't work out for basketball and I just don't want his heart broken again! UGH....it is sooooo hard!
thanks for this wonderful post...
You said it perfect,we are so intertwined with our kids emotions.I try hard to keep my inner Momma Bear from gaining control!The funny thing is my son is one of those kids who rarely gets upset by the actions of others ,I guess I get upset enough for the both of us,lol!
I hurt for my children more than I EVER did when I experienced similar things in my youth.
yep, and it starts young. I worried myself sick (literally) over Sonny Boy's wrestling meet this weekend. I was worried he'd not do so well and be heartbroken. Thankfully he surprised me and won 2nd place. I also wanted to go out and punch the kids on the sledding hill that were calling the kids dorks because they were not allowed to go over to the big hill. Not just a Momma thing either b/c Hubby was annoyed with that as well.
Yep.
Motherhood is a thankless job sometimes but the rewards outweigh the negatives.
"completely letting go of whatever just happened" not quite. 25 years from now it'll resurface : ) Fran's Dad
It is rejection that makes us stronger. Although easier to say than to experience.
Wow. I rarely think about things from this point of view since I have yet to have my own (but am in desperate need for a baby right now- first things first- wedding). Anyway, I can't imagine that feeling, but hope that you can come to peace!
Wait a minute.... you mean when the mom smiles and says you can do it, she is not always sure? I had no idear!
Hmmm. I'm missing the mommy gene.
Oh yeah...Moms work is not easy. And you are so right about it never goes away...I have 2 kids in their 30's and I still worry about them! Sheesh!
But along with the heartaches, there are also all those great moments too. Such ups and downs! Yep, it's all worth it.
I know, but you HAVE to let him try! When that happened, I always prepared for the results--good and bad. That way, you could talk about what else he can do IF he doesn't make the team. Ugh. It's extra hard with boys and teams because there is so much pressure as a boy to be an athlete. I hope he makes it, pally. If he doesn't, I hope he finds something else to do.
That Momma Bear is a tough gal, isn't she?! I hate it when we have to quiet her down for the sake of the kids. Ugh!
I think I hurt more because I remember the pain of my youth. I don't want them EVER to feel bad like I did in some situations.
And then I hear you start worrying about grandkids too. Ugh!!
Maybe you are just more cool about it, Sharkey. Me, I tend to get a bit excited anyway. Add in my kids and that Mother Bear gets fired up.
It is hard being a mom and wanting to fix things for them. Even harder still is having to use the tough love on them, having them hate you and acting like that doesn't hurt you. I hope you never have to experience that.
Mommehs are cool like that, Daisy. They never let the kids see her sweat.
This is something you don't understand until you have a child. You don't want them to hurt for anything. But they do and you have to help them through it--all the while you are dying inside. It's a tough, but a wonderful job to be the mom.
Yep. And to watch your kid's heart break is HELL.
With their own kids. :) I know what I went through and I didn't want my kids to ever go through it. Tuff job to be the parents.
I think we all have a taste of that--even when they are small and say "I hate you!". I think we are first in the line of fire and that can be really hurtful--no matter what age.
I hate other kids--you know, the mean ones. Don't you just want to go over and kick them? :P I'm glad your son did so well in the wrestling match! Good for him!! I'm sure your heart was bursting with pride!! Such ups and downs in parenting.
It's the toughest job EVER! And it shouldn't be so darn easy to get the job.
You know. It's a crazy job.
boy oh boy can i ever relate to this! it happens all the time, especially with my son. i am all ready to go to battle for him and the next minute everything is fine. really?! it wasn't fine 2 minutes ago. sometimes i swear he has a split personality. no matter, i will continue to have their backs and continue to be ready. lol
have a great night!
This mom business IS hard and I have only just begun!
Did Em not make dance team or badminton? Or did she not get a certain chair in band? Don't tell if you think it would be a breach of trust.
I can't even imagine because I worry enough about my furkids!
Hey PJ! Welcome back! We have missed you!!
Isn't it crazy how we are supposed to be all worked up with them and then.....just forget it, Mom. Arrgh! It's nuts! I'm not good at turning it off like that after I got all worked up.
It gets really hard in middle school and high school. After that, you can only support them with advice. Then you just cross your fingers and hope all goes well.
And they don't have anybody hurting their feelings! Oh, it's the worst. It hurts more when it's your kid than when it was you. It's not fun.
It was Col returning to school after getting notice that he will be getting a new roommate. He had a problem moving in back in the fall--his roommate got there first and moved his friend in and tried to bully Colin to find another room. Anywho, they both moved out and he had a single this past semester. 3 days before spring semester, the school sends him an email and tell him that he's got a roommate who was moving in 3 days before him. He was reliving that whole scenario again and pretty worried about it--can't say I blame him.
The kid ended up moving in on Sunday, after Col, and from what we hear, he seems nice. Keep your fingers crossed. You know, I'm not allowed to ask much else now. Ugh.
Being a parent is a hard thing for me to imagine. All I have is pets and little brothers and sisters to worry about. That's hard enough, but I can only imagine how hard it would be to worry about kids.
Just the fact of you caring so much makes you a great mom.
It's sorta like caring for them, Ratty---times 100. Look at all the animal mothers and how they attack when someone goes after their young. It's just like that--without being allowed to bite.
Jerry, I'm just hoping we get points for trying.
It's good they still come to you. THAT is the important thing.
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