I'm Heartless and Cold. Whatever.

Hobbes is just cold.

 
Okay, what's the deal with all the bums these days?  No, seriously. On my way to and from work, it's like the Bum-O-Rama.  There are so many dudes limping, walking with lame-o cardboard signs, shaking cans, pounding on buckets, walking up to cars--doing whatever it takes to bum money off hard-working citizens. It's annoying as hell. Now just move outta the street, Bum Boy, I've got to get to work.

Now before you all say "Oh, that Lin. She is heartless and mean. She doesn't like bums," you've got to understand that these are professional beggars.  They have been working the circuit for years. And if you were so destitute for years, you'd be skinny or haggard, or even dead, right?  Nope. These guys aren't even losing weight or looking worse-for-the-wear after years of this gig. I think they are big giant scammers--which just makes me mad.

There is one guy that I have seen around the south side of Chicago for 25 years. Seriously. Not making that up.  He's been working the streets, selling flowers to cars for over 25 years. And I know that because Joe and I used to see him when we were dating--and that was a long time ago. He's a scrawny looking dude with a long, hooked nose and no chin.  So, naturally, I gave him the moniker "No Chin".  And no, he is not of Asian decent, so it's not really mean to call him that.

No Chin has been seen in every kind of weather, working every busy street corner on the south side for years. Sometimes he wears a knit cap. Sometimes you see him holding a cup. Sometimes he's sportin' a piece of cardboard begging for food. But most times you see him selling flowers.  But at least he's doing something for the cash--the other knuckleheads are just doing what I call "Bum Theater"--it's where you just look really, really sad and limp a bit between the rows of cars at stoplights and hope someone opens their windows to give you cash.  There are some award-winning performances, I tell you. And people fall for it--every single day.

Criminy.

I have favorite bum these days, Limping Larry.  He's the master of sad and the king of pathetic.  Day after day, he walks all wobbly, limping sadly with one leg, holding a cup against his chest.  And he walks--up and down the rows of cars.  What gets me about Larry is that he actually passes up the newspaper dude--who looks older, less fortunate than he in his battered coat, and more in need than Larry will ever be. But the difference is that the newspaper dude is working.  He's walking the same exact path, at the same exact time, doing something constructive to earn a meager living.  At least he is trying.

And I'm not sure why the cold is bringing them all out. It seems to have started at Christmastime--I think they count on people feeling guilty or something.  I don't --but I think you knew that already. But I do like that it is wintertime because it is a lot easier to ignore these goofs with your windows up. 

Don't get me started about the summer bums who wear shorts to show off their prosthesis limbs for that added effect.  Criminy.