Would you do it?
Now, I ask the same question--but imagine it was at work. What do you do? Do you do it to keep your job? Or to be a "team player"? To show your boss that you are "on board" with the company? Where is the line?
And while it is easy to answer in the comfort of your recliner and you can say to yourself "Oh, I would never..." , it is a much different scenario when you are faced with this dilemma at the place where you earn your paycheck.You don't have many options at that point, and you sort of just have to do what you have to do, right?
I'll be over here poking myself in the eyeballs while you all drop your pearls of wisdom on me.
23 comments:
That is a dilemma the horns of which are not easily avoidable. Flat out refusal could be interpreted as insubordination; explanation to the boss could be viewed as "holier than thou," worse, an accusation.
In the final analysis, you are the one who has to look at yourself in the mirror. Most people, even shadier types, respect people who stand unwaveringly on their principles.
There is no easy advice, and maybe no easy way out.
Praying for you, Lin.
(A bit inclined to erase the whole thing as "unhelpful" but this is it.)
Fortunately, I never had to make a choice like that at work. Harvey, a friend, faced a situation at work. He was new at the company and had picked up the phone when it rang. His boss was standing beside him. Harvey said, "Good morning Mr. X!" Harvey's boss whispered in his ear, "I'm not here." Harvey next said, "Yes, he's right here and handed the phone to a glaring boss." Later the boss said, "I thought I told you I wasn't here." Harvey responded, "I will not lie for you and I will never lie to you." The boss was satisfied with that answer but forbade Harvey from answering the phone. Harvey didn't care.
Hmmm.... this is a tough one.
I guess it all comes down to the thought of: "Would you be ashamed if your (insert name here; grandmother, hubby, children, mother, etc.) found out that you did this?"
But sometimes the cold hard truth is that we need that pay check.
I'm afraid I'm not very much help to you friend!
Good luck!
xo Catherine
My husband was in that position, and he gave up a 70K job rather than support a boss who was asking him to do something unethical. It was extremely scary at the time, financially and emotionally, but twelve years later we know it was the BEST thing that could ever have happened to us, and we're perversely grateful to the scheming, conniving b@$tard.
I tried "I'm not comfortable with doing this, could you help me?" and that got me off the hook, but there were no promotions to be with the "big guys" after that. I guess I didn't play their game well. Phyl
I suppose the pragmatic answer is: whose morality, whose ethics? If only yours then on to: Will it jeopardize your pay check if you say no. Is there a higher authority to appeal to. Can you reason with the person who made the request. Do you actually want to work for someone or in a place that would condone whatever it is that you are being asked to do?
Have I ever been in this position - yes. Did I toe the line? No. Big but - First my situation did involve something illegal - discrimination. Plus I had a very supportive boss and the instructions were never given directly but everyone "knew" what the corporate policy was. So I balked, told my boss, who told his boss, who told his boss, right on up to corporate personnel. No one liked it but they didn't have a choice.
And finally - what does Joe have to say about it.
No wisdom for you, but I am mad at my hubby for helping his boss with her homework. She gets paid WAY more than him (drives a Porsche & Mercedes), has less education, can't find her way around a computer, and just got a HUGE scholarship to an executive MBA program. Now she's spending work time doing her homework and turns to my hubby for help cause she doesn't understand the computer stuff. He wants to be on her good side, so he does it. I'm actually surprised cause it goes against what we stand for. He is not in jeopardy of losing his job if he doesn't help her. In fact, he could probably report her for using work time to do her personal stuff.
Is it harming another person? That would be my guidepost
I always say you never know what you will do until you are in that persons shoes so I offer no advice. I do hope you find the answers you need to make the best decision for all involved...good luck!
Yeah, I've been asked. Yeah, at work. Yeah, I did it. Kicked myself in the butt for a LOOOOOOOONG time after. It's just NOT. WORTH. IT. I hate it when an stupid place of employment asks us to sell our souls for THEIR business. In my case, I didn't "sell my soul" but it felt like it. All that conscience thing and stuff.
Who do employers think we are?! Slaves?! (Employers, please do not answer on the grounds that you will incriminate yourselves :-p ). I hate all that "team player" crap everyone likes to throw around. Just like "bipartisanship," that term is always aiming for OUR forehead when it's intended to cover someone else's butt. It's just wrong.
It's a tough decision, Lin. Now that I am older and more secure, I'll tell that employer "no."
I have been in this position. I usually try to convince the client of the error of his ways. If that doesn't work, I will tell them that we are not able to support that action. It probably isn't easy to do as an employee but as an agency, I have my reputation to uphold which is more important than an individual client.
As a follow-up. I shared this post with my hubby and he went and talked to his boss about not helping her anymore. Yeah!
I hope you are able to find a good solution/compromise to your situation!
I am crossing the line now as I no longer receiving regular paycheck every month. Not easy but one have to do it sooner or later.
Wow. Sorry to hear that you are going through this Lin! Is there an easy way for you to play diplomat and just be honest with this person? Can you phrase your opposition in such a way that seems not non-complient, but almost as if that person would be violating you as a person for making you do this?
ohhh Lin, go ahead....take the Cubs tix and have a good time! Fran's Dad
Vanilla--I was forced to process paperwork for the issue, so it's already done. I asked initially not to know about such things, but my request was ignored. While my name is not on this, I still had to do the paperwork. I think someday, someone's head will roll for this, but it will not be mine. I just don't like seeing stuff like this.
Chuck--I would do the same thing as Harvey in that situation. My responsibility was to process the paperwork for something wrong, but my name, nor my signature is anywhere on it all. I was strictly told what to do and I had to do it--Or...I imagine, I would be fired. It still bothers me.
Catherine--I have no shame, for this was only paperwork that I had to process for the wrongdoing. I had no hand in the mess, but just seeing it still bothers me.
Katnip Lounge--Yeah, I'm with you--if it was like that I would quit too. You have to live with yourself everyday, you know? Good for him and YOU for supporting his decision!
Phyl--I said it outright and asked not to be a part of the process, but I had to do the paperwork. Fortunately, it doesn't have anything to do with me--I was just the witness.
Grace--It wasn't that big of a deal, but others disagreed with the whole thing too. One actually removed herself out of the situation. Me--I was just the administrator who had to process the paperwork for the doing that I know was wrong. If it goes down, I am not held liable---still, it bothers me to see it. Joe agrees, I had no choice or it was no job, I firmly believe.
Diana--Well, that is something that is going to haunt her forever. She is only cheating herself. I'm surprised he does it too.
Pricilla--It does not physically harm anyone, but it does involve lying--to a lot of people. I don't tolerate lying very well.
Melodie--I had to do it, so it is over. But that said, it still bothers me.
Rebecca--I originally asked to be removed from the situation and that was ignored. I was the paperwork gal for the dirty deed, and while I know that if it goes down that I won't be held accountable, I am still bothered terribly by what I witnessed. Uh, I'm also part-time. They may think they own me for my measly per hour salary, but they don't.
Anne--I was in a meeting where me and another gal expressed how we felt about this and how we did not want to be a part of this. The other gal got out, but I got stuck with the paperwork for the dirty deed. I still feel like I was stuck, but it doesn't make me feel any better about it. Ick.
Diana--HOORAY! Can I stop washing my hands now???? :)
Vanilla Seven--It's tough, isn't it? We have to take care of ourselves and our families. But my job is only part-time--it just helps us out. I would not do this again, I don't think. I hope your situation improves, pally!
Nancy--I did, but it fell on deaf ears. What's done is done and I only did the paperwork for the offender. It's their head, not mine should there be opposition to the deed.
Fran's Dad--Okay. Do you think it is pushing it by asking for some spending money while I'm there???? ;)
There's a lot of questionable stuff that goes on in preparing some tax returns. Shocking huh? I always ask for so much info I'm told I'm like an IRS agent but it really doesn't matter because if I ask too much, my boss just finishes the return as she sees fit. She has a problem asking clients for more information so puts things off until the last minute when it's completed "good enough". At least I'm not signing those returns!
When bosses have asked me to lie for them concerning phone calls, I just tell them I'm uncomfortable doing that and haven't lost my job yet. Most people appreciate honesty.
That's a tough one and it's hard to say what I would do unless I was in the situation myself. I guess the only thing you can do is follow your own heart. You are the one who has to live with the decision
Not it!
Doesn't sound like a fun situation. :(
It seems that the places that these ethical dilemmas come up most is in the office. I have been bobbing and weaving, ducking and dodging them for a very long time and the truth is, I am tired of it. Given the political landmine that I work in, it has been a full time job trying to avoid it. Good luck with it.
Gah, this is not a good situation to be in. I'm sorry you're there, Lin. My mom had to rock the boat at her job when there was a crazy boss who was doing all sorts of illegal things. She had a tough time of it for awhile but they finally settled down.
Beaded Tail--I'm sure you see more stuff than I ever will, but it never gets easier does it?
Karen--This was more than phone calls, but not to the point of illegal. It all just made me really uncomfortable knowing what was going on. It's not a good feeling.
Ann--I was the administrator and didn't have to sign my name to any of it. Still--I don't feel right just knowing about it.
Cute--No, but that is work, right? Sometimes we have to do things we don't want to. :(
DG--Yeah, I'm in Human Resources, so you know I see and hear a LOT of stuff. This one really pushed me to the limits though. It wasn't something big enough to make a huge fuss over, but I still felt really uncomfortable.
Casey--I don't see or hear most of it, but I did on this one and I didn't like it. I like being a peon where I don't know the half of what is going on. I'm happier that way.
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