Okay, I'm a big meanie. I'm not making any friends these days as I won't allow my 14 year old daughter go trick-or-treating with her friends. Is it me or is that just a little too old? And what age is the cut-off that this is no longer cute for your kids to do?Oh, I love the little ones with their costumes knocking on my door, too shy to say those magic words, but not shy enough that they don't hold out their little plastic pumpkin for some candy. I love to watch them trying to walk in their princess garb while the boys all try to be something tough like "Scream" or ninjas. I crack up at the moms and dads who walk slowly on the sidewalk, trying to give them some independence, but still keeping them safe by escorting them. I love the parents who dress their babies and walk them in strollers, excited to include their little ones with the "big" kids. It brings back many memories of my two in their hand-made costumes, hiking until their feet hurt or we were too cold to continue.
So, back to my grumpy teens. Col has a party to go to, so I was all up for helping him find a costume for that. I think a Halloween party is more than appropriate and tons of fun at his age, it's just the door-to-door trick-or-treating for kids older than 12 that bother me. Most don't even bother to dress up anymore and I think they sort of scare the little ones away. My rule is that if you are too old to dress or to say "Trick or Treat", then you are too old to be out mooching candy. Even if you are dressed like a bunch of grapes or something, just the mere fact that you are taller than most adults is just a point that should make you reconsider.
While I'm a big buzzkill for my daughter and her friends, I do have to say that I did offer to have her friends here for a small party if she wanted. Yes, I'd order pizzas and scary movies. Yes, there could be boys. And yes, I'd be home too. But no, there is no taller-than-me kids going out trick-or-treating and running the streets in the dark. I just think that the cops frown upon such groups and I think folks don't appreciate those loud knocks on their door only to meet a gang of "kids" holding pillow cases for their booty.
Gees, am I getting old or what? Don't kids get "too cool" for this sort of thing anymore? And when did I turn into the world's biggest party pooper?
41 comments:
Party pooper? I think not. I wish we had lots more parents like you.
Happy Halloween.
My rule is, if you're asking for candy, you'd better be dressed as something. And no, a sleeps too much, does too few chores teenager does not count as a costume(Joey, you know I'm talking to you).
I agree with you on this one. Maybe though there are a group of younger children she could take on their rounds?
BUZZ KILL! Let Em trick-r-treat. When you look at the options that so many teens take for fun is begging for a candy bar really bad? Heck no it's good clean fun and kids of all ages should be allowed to experience the fun. Demi is going with her besties and she and Em are the same age. They all have costumes.
So think of this Halloween, Saturday night, party, beer, drunk driving...or trick-r-treating. I never mind when the teens come to my door for my hand out--a can of Vess soda pop.
PS The cop at my house doesn't mind the big kids as long as they behave themselves while mooching candy. He'll even give them a bag a chips from the window of his police car.
Are they planning to wear costumes? If they are going to dress up and play the game maybe it wouldn't be such a terrible thing. I agree with you in principle but I guess you don't want to discourage "good" fun.
I remember trick-or-treating when I was about 14 (I don't remember my mom having an opinion, tho she probably thought it was stupid). I remember FEELING stupid when many of the candy givers remarked, "Aren't you a little old for this?" And then there was my "costume." I threw a sheet over my body and donned a scuba mask. Yup. I was some sort of seafaring ghost.
I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. Times have changed since I was 14, and there is an issue with older kids out on the streets after dark while the younger ones are trying to have their innocent fun.
The idea of a party sounds like a great compromise.
I am totally agreeing with you on this one; I think that 12 is a good cut-off age limit. That is when my kids stopped going and started staying home and handing out the candy. The exception would be if they were escorting a younger cousin; then I would let them go around our neighborhood as the chaperone.
Years ago, when my kids were toddlers, a group of older kids rang the doorbell. Since we were feeding our little ones their dinner, we weren't handing out candy yet. Well, that didn't discourage this group. They just opened the door to my porch, grabbed the large tupperware of candy, and ran. I was soooooo mad! I took off after them, after I figured out what they had done, and I got a group of neighborhood kids to help me look for them. Never did find the thieves, but I found my tupperware tossed in some bushes. Ever since then, if they are taller than me, and are NOT escorting younger siblings, cousins, nephews/nieces, NO CANDY. I am a buzzkill, also! :)
I think it's not so much a specific age as it is the attitude. If someone is still young enough to get excited about dressing up and saying "trick or treat" then I think it's okay. It's the sullen teenagers who just grab the candy and go that are clearly too old.
I hate to be practical but don't kids go trick or treating for UNICEF any more? We did as teens - we had official UNICEF Halloween boxes for the money and while we didn't wear costumes most folks gave us candy as well. So we got to do something "good" and still managed to score some goodies.
The answer to your question - you are right, 14 is beyond the appropriate age - they should be thrilled with the party you offered.
Did you read this before you posted that? :-)
http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/columnists/chi-schmich-28-oct28,0,7833466.column
We don't get a lot of trick-or-treaters anymore at any age. Willow has a Trunk Or Treat tomorrow night at the regionals. We went last year but I was in severe pain from a fractured foot.
I don't know why but I hate the big kids with the pillowcases.
Oops
The Trib- Mary Schmich's column today
We never too old for doing whatever we want Lin. Don't mind what people think, just enjoy what you doing :)
Having a group of little ghouls appearing at your driveway is scary enough for Malaysians who don't celebrate Halloween but a group of teenagers turning up at your driveway would totally freak us out!!
AWE, I'd probably let my kids trick or treat at 14...but, love the offer to have a party instead. I'm surprised she didn't go for that idea...must mean something REALLY fun (and probably not trick or treating) was going to happen.
It's a fine line I suspect. I haven't had trick or treaters for years. Here I only get my girlfriend's four kids and they are all under 7.
The party sounds wonderful. I can't imagine why she said no but then again I am so far removed from 14 it's scary.
And is it really safe for children of that age to be roaming unsupervised in these days?
First I have to say, LOVE your Jacks. They are too cool:)
Second, no you're not being a meanie. Kids over 10 should go to parties, kids under get to trick or treat. I can't stand seeing teenagers out asking for candy especially when they don't even dress up. I think it's kin to extortion - give us candy or we'll egg your house! That's the feeling I get from them.
Well first off I think your party idea is super, and if I were a teen I would definitely go for that! It is common for kids up here in Canada to Trick or Treat door to door,at Junior high school age (13-15). But I think by the time they are 16 its pretty much done. However, having said that...costumes are a must at all ages, if you want candy from me, and I would expect that older kids are BEHAVING APPROPRIATELY!
Happy Halloween!
I dont think you are a party pooper....but I went trick or treating at age 18 (after no going for many years), as a joke with my friends. One guys opened the door and was like, "Man, do you want a beer?"
I agree with Jodi. I don't think there's anything wrong with the older kids trick or treating. I know my friends and I did it through most of high school. Maybe not senior year, I'm not sure.
I don't mind the older kids and I don't even mind the parents that are dressed up walking with their little ones. We have alot of parents around here that dress up and some of them even have their own treat bag. And to me, it doesn't matter, I still give them something as well.
I think of it this way, if you take the time and effort to come up with a costume and trick or treat, then great, fine with me.
My 16 year old daughter is accompanying my partner's grand niece and nephew. She's dressing up and really looking forward to it. She missed the last 2 Halloweens because she was in the hospital. A party isn't an option because her friends are being jerks and not returning her calls.
My 14 year old son is dressing in costume and going to a party. I'm sure at some point they will make the rounds of his friend's neighborhood.
As long as the kids are well mannered and polite, I don't see a problem. It's when they behave like hooligans and steal candy from the little ones that I have a problem. I'm hoping that this will be the last year. I just feel really bad about my daughter's situation.
I really don't have a problem with the older kids trick or treating IF they are wearing a costume. If they can't be bothered to dress up then they are just beggars. A lot of the older kids around here are escorting their younger brothers or sisters so why shouldn't they get a little something for it. What bothers me are the ones (and these are parents) that bring an extra bucket for the supposed ill child that couldn't come. I really have to wonder if it isn't for them.
Kai is 14 and my sister in law told him he couldn't go trick or treating this year either. I think as long as they aren't making trouble for the little ones that it doesn't hurt anything. they can even keep an eye on the little kids to make sure that they don't get into any trouble. But it's really your decision and you gave her a very nice alternative so I don't think she can be too mad at you.
They have a 2 hour limit around here and then it's done. I don't recall big kids ever stopping by in our area, but I'm sure Bill would still give them candy if they were polite and in costume, a party would sound like more fun to me when I was 14.
I'm not a parent but I totally agree with you on this! The little ones are so cute but I get so aggravated when I answer the door to find kids, without costumes usually, looking at me eye to eye wanting candy. It totally takes the fun out of Halloween for me at least.
No buzzkill...I think you're just thinking about the greater good here and doing your job as a good mom to guide your kids to age-appropriatness. Nothin wrong with that!
Oh and you totally reminded me of an old photo of me in a handmade mermaid costume (that my mom made me wear for 5 years until I outgrew it) that I'll have to dig out and post this sat!!
I agree if teens go trick-or-treating they should dress up as something. Teens still like candy too and trick-or-treating is fun! I don't mind at all if big kids come trick-or-treating to my house. I think good for you, you're making your childhood last as long as possible!
Vanilla--I guess if I'm making enemies, I must be doing something right as a parent. Isn't that how it goes??? It's tough work this parenting gig!
DG--My problem is that they still dress up--AND I still won't let her go. Tooooo big, I say!
Mtn Woman--Thanks for the back-up, pally. I'm still hoping they choose the party option.
Jodi--Yeah, you're right. It's a fine line. Last year I let everyone have the shaving cream fight at my house and then let everyone shower here and spend the night. We smelled like mint for a week! Oh--our cops aren't that nice here.
Buggys--I wish they would just have the party instead. It would solve a lot of issues and I know they would be safe and out of trouble. I don't see what's going on a few blocks over--that's why I disapprove of the trick-or-treating.
JD--I think it's time to let that go when you are taller than the folks you are visiting. It's almost scary to open the door to 10 teens these days--costumes or no costumes. I think the day is for the little ones. I'd rather a party where I know they are safe and not up to anything.
A.Marie--This is the thing--I know my kid is good, but I don't know what the rest is up to. There are always tag-alongs that I don't really know and I'm uneasy with what some knucklehead is gonna do. These days, you can never tell. It's not my kid per se, but others that worry me. Thanks for the back-up.
Daisy--See above comment. Some kids are there for the fun, others are there for the shenanigans. I'm opting for the party to keep everyone safe and out of trouble.
Grace--I don't think they do UNICEF anymore. I think there are a lot of community parties to get kids off the street and not knocking on strangers doors. It's a sad commentary of our world, but it is safer that way. Who knows what these kids do nowadays--I'd rather they hang here instead.
Helene--YES! I saw her column after I posted, believe it or not. She was with me on this one, thank you very much! Hooray! 2 Buzzkills.
Vanilla7--Here's the thing when you've got teens--they get bored with the things they used to do for fun and look for ways to "spice" it up. I would rather a party here so I know who my kid is with and what they are doing is safe. I may be a buzzkill, but I'm trying to keep them out of trouble.
Veronica--I find they all sort of have attitude too--rarely are they out for just the fun anymore. They want candy and lots of it. I had my house egged last year and I don't want a repeat. I think there should be an age limit at around 12.
Stacie--EXACTLY my point! You got it!! They get bored with the old kid activities and look for ways to "spice" it up. I'm not taking chances. I'm not worried about Em as much as the other kids--I was a teen once too I think.
Pricilla--Em's up for the party--it's the other kids who want to roam the neighborhood. I'm thinking they have a hidden agenda as I don't remember trick-or-treating being all that fun at 14. We'll see, the party may still be on.
Jennifer--Thank you! The older kids are just sort of creepy knocking at your door and then they don't really have costumes. What's the point?? I just think it's weird.
Hot Rocks--It seems the teens want more "fun" than a party, which is why I'm not letting her go door to door. What exactly is going on a few blocks over?? I don't remember knocking on doors as being that much fun--I think there is a hidden agenda for some reason. Maybe not for Em, but with some of the other kids.
Brittany--I think that is hilarious! Now, if I saw them every single year, I would say that is weird. Now I would trick-or-treat if they gave beers!!
I pretty much agree. There's a point where it gets too old. A party, I think, was a great compromise on your part.
After all, how can you be a "party pooper" if you're offering to throw a party?
She doesn't think she's too old to go out? I think I lost interest (for sure) at least by high school.
Oh! Almost forgot -- tomorrow is National Cat Day, and I'm celebrating on the Cute by posting up pics of the Cat Friends of Cute.
If you get this in time (and if you want to), send a pic of Hobbes over and I'll post him up too (since we hung out at that "party" you had a while ago...).
A link to my email is on the sidebar of the Cute. :) Hope to see him there!
Kookaburra--I think it depends on the kids. I don't worry about mine as much as some of the tag-alongs. Some are looking for more fun than trick-or-treating allows.
Lola--I feel your pain! And your daughters. Em's "friends" did that to her this summer and my heart broke along with hers. These are also the girls going out on Halloween--see why I'm concerned?
Ann--Don't you love the scammers that are too cheap to buy their own candy??? What's with that??
Lenox--Isn't that normal though, to have your teen hate you??? Whatever. I'm trying to be somewhat reasonable. :)
Jude--There is no limit here and I think it is scary for folks to have a load of teens at their door later in the evening. I still say parties for 14 and older--prevents some problems.
Beaded Tail--Yep! If they are taller than me, it is time to find something else to do on Halloween. Thanks for the back-up!
Nancy--Okay, I'm waiting for that costume photo! And yes, I'm getting used to the Buzzkill Mom label. Well, at least I CARE!
Karen---NO, NO, NO! Not defending punk teens too! First Joe, now the teens. Oh, Karen--you're killing me!! It's a fine line you walk with teens and you have to cut them off before they get into trouble. At least I offered a party, right??? :)
Cute--See? That's my point--is it really all that fun or are they going to do other "things" to make it fun again. I see Em as having fun, but it's the tag-alongs that scare me. Who knows what they are up to out on the streets. I don't want her in trouble. And yes! I'll send a photo of Hobbes over. Thanks!
Way to rock Mom! I'm right there with ya. I think the alternative pizza party with scary movies was a great one. Maybe she'll opt for some fun. 14 is a bit old for door to door trick or treating.
You must be the monster from Sawz 417! Funny how they want to be considered grown up 363 days of the year, just not Halloween or Christmas. I like your plan.
I trick or treated until I was out of HS... but then again, I was a short lil thing, and I did dress up... I swear! lol I see your point though.
I don't turn away any kids as long as they are dressed in costume - and I even keep dog cookies out for the few dogs that are out with their owners because I'm nuts like that. ;)
Just explain to her that people like me are under many a rock. I would send a picture to back that up, but she might not come out from under the bed until after Christmas.
I coudn't agree more. I have a new girl in my office that just told us this week she STILL goes trick-or-treating. WTF? She's 22.
Roschelle--Thanks for the back-up, pally!
Sharky--So true, so true! Everyone wants to be a child when it is convenient!
Storm--I don't turn anyone away, but I sure harass the teens with no costume and or no "trick or treat" coming from their mouths. Ugh.
Fish--She doesn't get that there are some no-goodnicks out there. Not that you are one, of course.
Bee--OMG! Girlfriend needs to buy her own freaking candy! Now THAT is frightening!
I don't necessarily like the older ones but I'll give them candy if they're dressed up. I let my kids go for as many years as they wanted to go. I think they both quit sometime in high school.
I don't know.. I'm kind of with you on this one (sorry, Em). I think 12 is a good cutoff age for trick or treating but I also remember wanting to go at 13 and 14 since it was "cool" to be roaming the streets with my friends and no parents. I think the party was a nice compromise.
BTW, we were that family last night, my cookie monster and monkey walking from door to door and begging for candy. Elliot didn't get why we weren't busting into everyone's houses and gave it her best shot to go in and enjoy the cold AC.
Violet--I think High School is the limit. I think they just look silly at that age.
Casey--I love those early trick or treating outings when the kids don't quite get it. I'm with her--let's get in the cool air! I love that kid.
Post a Comment