Jesus Jarvis???!

Our group gets together every year at The Falls and is classified as a "reunion" so we can book a block of rooms and cabins together. I'm not sure we qualify as a reunion per se--we are just a bunch of goofs who like to party for a week together. There is no fancy dinner, matching t-shirts, or activities that we plan--we just sort of take over the park for the week, wrecking havoc on the peace and quiet of the hills of the Daniel Boone National Forest.

Every 2 years, our party coincides with the reunion of the Jarvis Family. They sort of take over the lodge--spreading out scrapbooks, genealogy records of their ancestors, posters and posters of family photos, and a giant 20' x 4' long family tree that some dude spent waayyy too much time on. They all mingle and talk to each other, glaring at those of us who dare enter the big room at the lodge, like they own the freakin' place.

That doesn't stop us though, we all go doopty-doing in there, walking over to admire all their relatives' photos, dead and alive. We even went over to look at Head Honcho Jarvis' giant family tree. We're polite and all, but Fain did get a little "Do I know you?" from Granny Jarvis, which sort of irked Fain 'cuz she was being nice saying "Well, hello there!" like she does. It sort of went downhill from there.

Joe and I went over to sneak a peek at the giant family tree papers, we were curious to see if they had made any corrections since the last reunion. I kinda added a branch once when nobody was looking, so I wanted to see if it was still there or not.

Two years ago, when we were checking out at 6:00 a.m., I kinda walked past the family tree that was taped to the wall. Somehow, I thought it would be funny to pencil in Joe's name and birthday in the midst of all the other corrections that the real Jarvis family members had made over the weekend. Surely, nobody would really question another name, would they?? So, there I was, writing on the Jarvis Family Tree--adding Joe's name, of course. It's more fun than adding my own. He didn't think it was quite as funny as I did. He's a buzzkill, that Joe.

So, there we stood this past weekend, searching the tree to see if Joe's name and birth date somehow made it to the ink stage on the Jarvis Family Tree. Subtle, we were--looking and looking, trying not to be too obvious when Head Honcho Jarvis comes over.

"Oh, are you looking for someone you know??!" he's all arrogant and cocky about his stupid tree.

"Heh, heh. Yeah. Thought I might find my name on there." Joe's half kidding with the dude. Little did H.H. (Head Honcho) know that we really were looking for Joe's name.

Now he's got his chest all puffed out and he's starting to point out names here and there. I'm not even lying when I tell you that he had pharaohs, kings and queens, and freaking Charlemagne on there. When he pointed to Adam and Eve and (NOT kidding) GOD on the list, we lost it. We could barely contain the giggles standing there.

Really, dude??! Pharaohs?? Here we were, in the middle of Hee Haw County and the dude is claiming that he is directly related to Charlemagne. He was making some joke about being a "Royal Pain in the Ass" when Angie and I just rolled our eyes at each other. We couldn't get away from Head Honcho Jarvis and his ridiculous Family Tree fast enough. I mean, I know all about inbreeding in the south, but to claim that you are direct descendants of Adam and Eve??! And he could trace that through the hieroglyphics of a Pharaohs tomb?? Yeah, right.

So, we scooted out of there and totally lost it on the way out. I'm all smarty-aleck then and asking Joe "So, Jesus' last name was 'Jarvis'?!". According to H.H. it was.

Hmmmm.....Jesus Jarvis.

I'm not buying it. But we sure had a good laugh at his expense.