Toenail goes on Spring Break

For those of you who were with me on the weekend, you can skip today's post--it is only a repeat of the story told for 4 straight days and you'll be bored to death. You may eye roll and say "Sheesh, I 've heard about this toenail enough already" and I won't care. But, admit it, it was funny the first time through and I'm going to tell the story exactly like I told it to you because it made you laugh.

And so.....the toenail story.

The days before I was leaving for my Florida trip were crazy. Lots of running errands, shopping for travel supplies, packing summer clothes, packing spring clothes, unpacking summer clothes and packing jeans instead. The cats were all in a tizzy because they saw the suitcase and when they weren't in it goofing around, they were sort of fretting because they knew I was leaving. Grace knows from experience and gets clingy, Hobbes was just thrilled that he had a new place to play with his sparkle ball. It was busy and very stressful trying to get it all done before I left.

The night before my flight, I soaked in a relaxing bath, scrubbed my feet with a little pumice, and shaved my legs. As I was sitting down to paint my toenails, I saw the unthinkable.

My dead and dying-since-October big toenail decided it wasn't going to Florida with me. No way, no how. Yep, it just lifted from the back up and a new toenail was already growing in. Ick, you say--but really it isn't all gooey or anything, it's just skin under there. But it isn't a lovely sight for sandals or flip-flops or walking barefoot in the sand with your cute swimsuit on.

I was so mad at this toenail (notice how I didn't use a curse word, although I wanted to at this part)!! How could it leave me now?! Here I was about to paint it with some lovely pastel shade of pink and it decides to stay home?!

So, I did what any other woman would do--I glued the mother *#$(@$ down! (Okay, that was for drama and part of the original story--sorry) Yep. I went out to the garage, found some Super Glue and put a little drop on the lifter and held it under duress for a second or two. And it was a good as new! A little polish over the top and ta-daaaa! Rockin' toe again!

I yelled in to Emma "Hey! Do you want to help me paint my dead toenail?" and like the beast that she is, she yelled back "Ugh! No WAY!!! I'm not touching that thing!!"

Thanks. Thanks a lot. After all I've done for her when she was a baby. I did lots of gross things for her! I hate that kid.

So, I did it myself and it looked pretty good. Nobody would ever know. Unless I told them. Which I did. A lot.

Toenail and I went out to lunch and had wings and a beer. We walked on the dock and looked at the sand. We went to Disney for a lovely dinner and watched the fireworks over Cinderella's Castle. We drank Sangria and danced on the table at OPA, a fabulously fun and wild Greek restaurant. We danced with some dudes at B. B. Kings bar and laughed until we wet our pants. It was with us when we put Fain in the trunk of Cheri's car. We sat poolside for 7 1/2 minutes, but I refused the hot tub, envisioning toenail floating away forever.

Toenail came home happy and still clinging to me. I think it had fun, I mean it only tried to leave me once on the trip, but I convinced it to stay with that ever-enticing Band-Aid friend. I wrapped it tightly with love and smooth-talked that sucker into staying--at least until I got home.

We're still together, and hopefully so, until sandal season approaches in a month or two and maybe new Toenail will have grown in fully. I swear if toenails could smile, it had a good time and I'm glad it went with me.

And have you ever searched toenail photos on the web? I imagined lovely painted beauties to post here, but instead I found the most disgusting gross things out there! What are all these people posting their festered and half-missing toenails for?! Ick. Double Ick. Don't look, it's not good--my toenail is a dream in comparison.